Happy Father's Day!

The girls went to their dad's early today to spend Father's day with their dad. Even though I think he's a selfish, lying piece of...stuff...he's still their dad. I want my kids to have a good relationship with their dad.

My kids know that I don't like their dad...we've had that talk. There's no point in lying and they're old enough to get it. I don't elaborate on why I don't like him...but I try to help them understand the situation. They used to ask why we don't get back together...but as they get older, they start to get it. When I left XH, my oldest was almost three and my youngest was just a baby. They don't even remember us actually being together. So they (thankfully!) they don't remember the really bad fights that we used to have. But they do see that we don't get along now.

I use those moments they see us bickering now to talk to them about it. I explain to them that their dad is not MY family...he is their family. And that they should love and respect their family and have a good relationship with their dad. They should never, ever feel guilty for loving their dad and I refuse to make them feel like they have to choose between us. Putting him down or trying to manipulate my children does NOT make their relationship with me stronger and it just makes me look like a bad person.

And they will grow up to understand that on their own. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that I interfered in any way of them being able to make their own decisions about what kind of people their parents are...because if I try to influence them, that just leads to resentment. I can't allow my own selfishness to affect what kind of mother I am. I don't do it because I want to...I do it because it's the right thing to do for my children. And THAT is all that matters...doing what is right by my daughters.

I learned all of this from the way my own single mother raised me and my sister. There was no manipulation...just support. When I was little, my dad was a much different person. I didn't have a very good relationship with him. However, as I have gotten older, that has changed...especially once I had my own children. He has been there for me a lot and he has a good relationship with my kids.

And in honor of Father's Day...here are a few pictures with the "dads" in my life (I say "dads" because the rest are my grandpas). ;)

My dad when I was just a baby:

 

My dad's dad (RIP - 1997) when I was a baby: 

 

My mom's dad when I was about 3 years old: 

 

My dad's step-dad (I was almost 6 and my sister had just turned 1): 

 

And a more recent picture...this is one of my favorite pictures of me with my dad: